Posted December 4th, 2023

Do you ever have days when you just go through the motions and feel unfulfilled with anything you do? Or you’re unsure of what you should do next if anything at all? Sometimes, my depression will cloud my mind so much that I can’t see my next moves, leaving me feeling disoriented and unsettled. If you can relate, then let me share what I’ve found to help me in those moments. Periodically checking in with myself to address my needs and wants throughout the day has been my lifeline on days when I feel completely numb or disconnected.

When we talk about our needs and wants, what exactly do we mean? Discomforts such as pain, anger, and agitation often indicate that a need is not being met. To determine the underlying reason, it’s best to tune in nonjudgmentally to these sensations. It’s helpful to get into the habit of asking yourself questions like:

• Is there anything making me physically uncomfortable that I can fix right now?
• Are there any pressing issues that can resolved in 5 or 10 minutes?
• Do I need a spiritual moment to ease my soul right now?
• Is there anything I can do to make this moment easier for myself?

I’ve found that by asking myself these questions when I feel suddenly overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, I connect with my true self for a moment and allow myself to take care of me. Also, phrasing the questions as time-sensitive and more immediate forces me to focus on the present rather than letting my mind run wild with worries and fear.

As we go about our days, we can easily overlook our needs and the signals our bodies provide for us. A classic example would be hunger. Sometimes, we might work ourselves past mealtime, ignoring the onset of brain fog, irritability, or fatigue. Yet, we get frustrated with ourselves for feeling sluggish or being unable to focus. All those symptoms are classic signals from our body that our need for food is long overdue. Ignoring this need can lead to actual health problems like diabetes or acute health scares like passing out from exhaustion.

Most of us try not to let that need go unmet and will make the time to feed ourselves and set boundaries with others to allow us the time to look after our meals. But we have a hard time doing the same for our emotional and mental health needs. The habit of ignoring the emotional signals of irritability, crying, anxiety symptoms, and despair is so common we don’t even recognize that it is a signal in the first place. We assume that’s just how we are, or how the day is going for us.

But what if we reframed our mindset about those symptoms to be more compassionate toward them when they show up, accepting them as signs of a need that we should try to address? Suddenly, you gain more autonomy over how you’re feeling and are less of a victim of your mental illness.

So, how do we catch ourselves? My solution has been to set reminders on my phone to check in with myself. Depending on the severity of my mental health issues at the time, I’ll schedule check-ins as frequently as three times a day manually in my journal or planner. I’ve also found several apps like Finch, Kinder World, How We Feel, and the iPhone Health app, which help make checking in fun and rewarding. Also, a classic body scan meditation (my favorite app for meditation is Balance) can help ground you into your current physical state and help you notice the discomforts in your body you might be ignoring. When I get my data from a body scan, I can ask myself those questions I mentioned earlier and see if any of the sensations I noticed within myself can be remedied or helped in the moment.

There are times when we are unable to address our needs immediately. In such situations, it can be helpful to plan ahead and create a strategy to address more complex needs later in the day or week. Breaking down the task into smaller steps can help you feel like you’ve made some progress toward resolving a pressing issue that cannot be solved in one go. As a bonus, generating small moments of success is a proven way to elevate your sense of well-being and reduce your stress.

A note on wants: sometimes, our wants are not the most healthy for us. If we constantly give in to our wants, that may actually backfire on us. So how do we treat ourselves and give ourselves what we need and want while still making strides forward in our healing journey? Start with evaluating the wants. Why do you want something? What is the underlying need it’s addressing? Because that’s what you need to focus on. The underlying need is the priority, but sometimes our wants reveal an unmet need that we are trying to satisfy ineffectively.

If you evaluate your want and it supports the lifestyle and well-being you are working toward, then trust yourself! Your want has come about as a healthy solution to meet some need. But if it’s not in line with the life you’re trying to create, some self-discipline might be in order to help you determine what the want is trying to do for you in terms of your needs.

The point is to care about yourself enough to care about your needs. Make yourself and your comfort and well-being a priority. Is this something you struggle with? Do you think about your needs or wants in this way? Let me know in the comments below!

(P.s. There are no affiliate links or sponsorships in this post. All recommendations are apps I regularly use because they help me. I hope they can help you too!)

Til next time,

Take care!